Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
