so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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