Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
