You can't motorboat a personality
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
If its not for food we ain't going out.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
