Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
