Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
