The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
