So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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