what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize