Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
