we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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