So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Randomize
