I haven't been this sober since birth.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize