Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
