I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
You smell like stripper and shame
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Randomize
