Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize
