I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Randomize
