I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Randomize
