I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
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