so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Randomize
