her vagina looked like bernie madoff
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
