you're like a bully in the Christmas story
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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