Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Randomize
