I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I want to stick my p in your. b.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Randomize
