brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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