I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
