I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
