What a fucking waste of an outfit
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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