life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
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