Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
