just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
