i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
You've changed since you got that strap on
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