He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Enjoy the penises
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
