Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I want to walk on stilts...naked
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Nobody cheats on THIS.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize