3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
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