i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Randomize
