So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
