So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... π―πππ
Do I even want to know?
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Itβs a good thing Iβm the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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