Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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