No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
