Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
It's like God shit irony all over that family
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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