Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Randomize
