its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize