Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
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