could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
