i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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