just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
My balls are so social today.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Randomize
