dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
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