i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
