Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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