Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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