you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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