It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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