do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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