Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
