yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
