well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I'm having to shit out rocks
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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