You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Randomize
