Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
