my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Randomize
