I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
